Goals 3: Reach For The Stars And Avoid The Mud

Last week, we started to examine the required features needed for effective goals using the mnemonic 'SMART'.

This week I will complete the list ready to apply the rules to my own goals.



SMART: Goals Must Be MEASURABLE


How can we understand when we are getting close to the goal and indeed when we reach it?

One of my goals is to replace my conservatory on the house. But how do I know when I am safely able to do this? I could do it now, as long as I am willing to take out a loan for the full amount. That solution, however, does not agree with my values, which include financial discipline with no debt. Therefore my goal is to pay for the conservatory with cash.

This is why being specific about your goal on every detail is key. Monetary values are a very useful gauge of your goals. I asked a conservatory company to give me a quotation and they stated a cost of GBP16 000 for the job. My goal is now to raise this amount of money in order to replace my conservatory. A measurable goal.

The second advantage of this approach, by the way, is the salesman was also able to provide me with detailed features of the conservatory so I had a better picture of my goal too.


MyGoals.com says it well: "Your goals should be measurable and specific enough for you to know unambiguously whether they have been completed yet or not."

Bob Urichuck makes this observation in his blog: "One of my greatest lessons while working in sales is the discovery that we are constantly setting sales targets and objectives and being measured alongside them. This is a good practice and keeps us focused on our sales targets. Why not apply these same goal setting and monitoring strategies in our personal lives? Consequently, we can stay focused on our dreams and end up where we want to be."



Write Your Goals Down


Writing goals down somehow makes them more real and embeds them in your mind. It seems to me that this also helps you to plan your short term goals leading to the larger long term goals - and helps you measure your progress towards them.

Keeping your goals in front of you also seems to increase the chances of achieving them, so write them down and then put them where you can easily see them. Again, this is something we will refer to later, but find pictures that show the exact goal you want and put them where you can see them every day. The most popular place suggested seems to be on the refrigerator, but I think it is anywhere you will see it most often.

Bob Urichuck again: "Record keeping is important in goal setting. Writing down your goals and action plans represents a commitment. Otherwise you are merely wishful thinking. You can re-read and visualise written goals. They are credible and legitimate. They live and lead onward. When you write you have begun to act. Inertia is gone. You sense accomplishment already."

"Imagine your pencil, pen or keyboard is a magic wand and everything that you write down will become a reality. If it is not written down, it will not become a reality. Just the mere act of writing it down crystallises the dream."

Writing your goals down shows you are serious about achieving them. It helps you focus on them and starts the laws of nature working in your favour.

SMART: Goals Should Be ACHIEVABLE


Here we come to what I consider the most difficult aspect of goal setting. How do we know what is achievable? What is realistic?

MyGoals.com is helpful: "A goal is realistic if you stand reasonably good odds of accomplishing it, given enough time and effort - and, indeed, mountains can be moved if given enough time and effort."

"The majority of the goals you set should be very realistic or you risk becoming frustrated if you do not accomplish any of them. However, there is nothing wrong with attempting things that defy the odds or that you expect to be extremely difficult."

One of the skills that will probably be useful here is the including of small goals building up to the larger goals - baby steps, if you like.

For example, as I want GBP16 000 for a conservatory, I could set monthly goals to build the amount required by perhaps GBP1000 the first month, GBP2000 the second month and so on. Concentrate on the smaller goals and you may be amazed how easy it will be to hit the larger target.

I guess the ideal is to end up knowing every day what you need to do to achieve your goals.

Bob Urichuck : "Create a plan of action taking small steps to build and maintain a successful momentum. If your steps are too large, there is room in between to procrastinate. I recommend you take baby steps and allow for growth."

Zig Ziglar : "It is wiser to set the goal high but reachable."

MyGoals.com puts it well again: "it's worth noting that many of life's most difficult accomplishments are also some of the most worthwhile...if something were easy, then everyone would be doing it and it would no longer be very noteworthy."



How Can We Achieve Our Goals?

As mentioned in the blogs on Dreams, when you set the goal, life will provide the method to achieve it. It is a strange fact of life but if you focus on a goal, the 'how' will appear.

Jim Rohn : "Reasons come first, answers second."

The answers seem to appear to those who have the inspiration to look for them.

"When you know what you want and you want it badly enough, you'll find a way to get it."

Maxwell Maltz in his fascinating book, 'Psycho-Cybernetics' tells us: "It is the function of the automatic mechanism to supply the 'means whereby' when you supply the goal. Think in terms of the end result, and the means whereby will often take care of themselves."

The truth is, your abilities will grow as you pursue and achieve your goals. It seems you will be more fulfilled, motivated, inspired and, dare I say, happy the more you chase your goals.

Jim Rohn : "Your abilities will grow. You'll draw on untapped potential and talents you never know existed."


There are ways we can help the process, however.


Be Prepared To Pay The Price


To achieve anything worthwhile you need to pay the price.

On occasions, you may even need to temporarily sacrifice the very thing you are aiming for in order to achieve it - another paradox.

For example, to earn extra money, you may need to initially invest money or to spend more time with your family, you may have to spend less time with them whilst you work for your goal. In that last example, you may find you can be smart and include your family in your goal setting so they become your greatest helpers or supporters.

To prevent becoming disillusioned when effort is needed, it might not be a bad idea to understand the price that needs to be paid before setting the goal.

Bob Urichuck : "The price has to be identified before the goal is set. The price could be in the form of money, but can also be other things as well. It could require additional education, a change in habits or require more effort, or time, than what you are normally used to."

Keep It Simple, Sunshine


MyGoals.com : "It is better to keep your number of goals down to a manageable amount."

Keep the number of goals you are working on at any one time at a minimum so you can concentrate or focus on one at a time and you will not get overwhelmed.


Perseverance Is Key


Your goals will be achieved with dogged determination. Do something every day towards your goal and this will keep you focused. Discipline is key.

Bob Urichuck : "Stick to your plan and do what you have to do, even when you don't want to do it. Discipline is the key to your success and to achieving your goals. It is a commitment to the most important person in the world."

We will talk more about discipline and persistence later.



Don't Do It Alone


Again, we will refer to this later but it is easier to chase your goals when you are in the company of like-minded people who have high expectations of you (not the plonkers who wouldn't recognise a goal if they fell over it).

If you know people like this and you can spend time with them, fantastic. However, this may not always be easy. If you have the time, ideally, you may pull a group of people together and meet maybe once a month to discuss your goals. This will make you accountable to them and give you an extra reason to chase your targets.

At the very least you could read books, listen to cds or watch DVDs from people who are a positive influence on your attitude to goals. Okay, I have a vested interest but Success University is a source of such material, but there are other such bodies, including Amazon of course.

Otherwise, there are plenty of online groups and forums to help you, including Horatios Dreaming (one of mine again).





SMART: Goals Should Be RELEVANT


You goals must be relevant to YOU and nobody else. They have to be selfish for them to work. If you had a goal to satisfy someone else, the moment your relationship with them deteriorates, the goal becomes irrelevant. Never set a goal for someone else.

This also refers back to our values as discussed in the Dreams blog. Our goals must be relevant to what we consider important in life. I have already referred to this when I talked about my goals to replace my conservatory - my value there was financial discipline.

Your goals must not clash with other goals either. If you want to leave work, you obviously cannot also have a goal to be promoted at work.

Bob Urichuck : "Our goals guide our actions and help us plan at work and at home. When we focus on our goals (resolutions), our present is determined by our future...not our past. Keep in mind that your resolutions (goals) are an extension of your values."

This is a short section, but the last thought is from MyGoals.com :

"The more fully you understand why you want something, the more motivated you will be to keep working at it until you have accomplished it."

SMART: Goals Need To Have A TIMETABLE



For a goal to work it needs a deadline or you will be able to delay its attainment.

We have decided where we want to go now we need to define when we want to get there.

Again, you need to be honest with yourself in deciding the best time frame. Give yourself time and examine your feelings to understand what you know to be achievable. Bear in mind you will need to balance goals in different areas of your life (career, family, sport etc.) so you need to keep the whole picture in mind.


Long Term And Short Term Goals


You should by now have a detailed list of dreams you want to achieve.

Jim Rohn suggests writing next to each goal the number of years you expect it will take to achieve it (use 1 year, 3 years, 5 years and 10 years).

Check you have a balance between long term and shorter-term goals. If you have too many shorter-term goals then maybe you are not dreaming big enough. If you have too many long-term goals then either you need to look for shorter-term goals or examine what 'baby step' goals you can set to drive you towards the larger goals.

I know we have discussed the idea of 'baby step' goals before but this passage from MyGoals.com might help:

"Almost any goal, no matter how difficult, can be made easier by breaking it down into several smaller goals, to be tackled one at a time. The completion of so-called 'baby steps' is one of the best ways to build confidence, momentum and a track record of performance."

An example here is if you had a goals to be an internationally renowned concert pianist and yet you can only play 'Chopsticks' now. Clearly you could not achieve your goal tomorrow but you could in five years. In the intervening period you could get smaller 'baby step' goals such as 'find a top piano teacher','get my piano exams','play in the local community centre,' and so on.

Such smaller goals leading to the larger goals prevent you from neglecting your goals, as the excitement builds, otherwise you will find, as the elephant keeper did, the work will start to pile up.


Now pick out four of your goals you feel are the most important from each time category. For each write:

1. A detailed description of the goal (include the five senses again)

2. The reasons why you want it.

You may now find you do not really want the goal after this. That's okay: find another one that is important to you.

If you struggle with this, Bob Urichuck includes an excellent 'Goal Log' to help you.

Achieve and Reward


As you plan your goals, ensure you include both a method to track your progress towards your goals and a reward for achieving each goal.


For a reward, think of something you enjoy you can treat yourself to celebrate your success. Maybe it could be a trip to the cinema, a DVD you have always wanted, a meal in a restaurant, or even a restful evening at home. It must be something that will be a delight to you to say 'I have achieved something.'

It does not need to be expensive; you don't want the pleasure of your success tainted by guilt!

Also you should have the discipline of 'delayed gratification.' If you have promised yourself perhaps a new coat if you achieve a goal DO NOT buy it until you have achieved the goal and it will feel so much sweeter and the whole process much more fun.

Jim Rohn reminds us that goal setting is a continual, life-long process and we should review our goals and progress weekly. If you have them in front of you all the time then this should not be at all difficult.

Just think how good you would feel if you could see how you are progressing through your goals!


Bob Urichuck : "You need to measure and monitor your progress on an ongoing basis. Without some form of monitoring you will not be able to recognize your progress and reward yourself accordingly."



Conclusion


"It's exciting to know that as long as you're reaching for the stars you won't end up with a handful of mud. You need to see life as something big and exciting and your goals as big ones."

Zig Ziglar


It is clear now how important goals are in giving us direction, a purpose, in life and in helping us to decide what we should be doing at any one time.

Goals help with time management too: if you have your goals in front of you and you are moving forward, you will have a better grasp of your time.

Zig Ziglar again: "Time can be an ally or an enemy. What is becomes depends entirely upon you, your goals and your determination to use every available minute."

"Killing time is not murder - it's suicide."

There is no doubt that goals can change your life massively.

I just want to make a comment on the possibility of failure here. If you do not achieve your goal in the time allotted, reset the goal and move on. You only fail if you stop trying. You will know if you have put the effort in and, if you feel you haven't, then the answer is clear: if you want to improve your life, immerse yourself in your goals and pursue them with everything you have.

This has been a long blog this week and I apologise for that. Next week (gulp) I will present the results of applying all this to my own goals. I hope you will have a go yourself.

In the meantime, my very best wishes for great week.


Keith


http://www.keithbraithwaite.com/

Goals 2: Ask The Genie

I apologise that this blog has been delayed but in the past I have found it hard to set and stick to meaningful goals. The study of the subject has therefore been, and still is, of great significance for me and has taken the most work of any subject so far.

Last week we examined an introduction to the art of goal setting. This week we move on to the practise itself.


To Begin

"Whoever you are, wherever you are and whatever you do, you should have goals."

Zig Ziglar


In his book, Psycho-Cybernetics, Maxwell Maltz said life is like riding a bicycle, you are either moving forward or you are falling off. There is no other state. Setting goals gives you the ability to move forward.

The skill in giving yourself goals to follow is initially to simply be a good asker. Jim Rohn in his book 'Seven Strategies For Wealth And Happiness', state that asking is the first step towards receiving and the very act of asking starts mysterious forces towards the achievement of your life ambitions.

The ability to ask is also covered in the Bible ("Ask and ye shall receive") and in the book and movie 'The Secret' . In this asking is related to the age-old idea of the genie and the lamp.

A couple had been married for 25 years and also celebrated their 60th birthdays. During the celebration a genie appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple all those years, he would give them one wish each.
The wife wanted to travel around the world. The genie waved his hand and boom! She had the tickets in her hand.
Next, it was the husband's turn. He paused for a moment, and then said shyly, "Well, I'd like to have a woman 30 years younger than me."
The genie waved his hand and boom! The man was 90.........

Sorry, I had to include that. The truth is life can give you exactly what you want just like the genie in the lamp; only there are no restrictions on the number of wishes you make. You just need to understand the natural laws that govern the asking.

Motivational speaker Bob Urichuck puts it this way in his blog :

"It was through goal setting, that I now realise that I was the author of my future. I became what I have wanted to become, which at one time was only a dream - impossible at that."

He goes on to explain that spending time investing in setting your goals is the best possible return on time invested. "Write out all your dreams and desire as if nothing is impossible, no barriers and no limitations. This will form the foundation to effective goal setting."

I will mention this later, but my good friend, Dar, and I have spoken about the difficulty of deciding what actions need to be taken each day. The truth is a well-defined set of goals will tell us what our daily priorities are to be. I hope this becomes clear as we move along.

Dar kindly pointed me towards two blogs discussing indecision. One of these, by Steve Pavlina talks about growth in life.

"When you can clearly see the next steps ahead of you, you can focus on making changes instead of second-guessing your decisions."

That would be the setting of goals, then.

Before we move on to actually setting goals, I would like to briefly highlight a few other benefits of goals.


1. Goal Setting Emphasises Your Successes

Well-set goals define what success looks like, so their achievement is clearer and this leads to increased motivation to pursue later goals.


2. Goal Setting Improves Your Self-Esteem

Imagine how you would feel when you look back over the record of goals you have achieved.


3. Goal Setting Forms Character

This comes from the selfvolution blog:

"Goal setting forms character by allowing a person to see past the problems and into the rewards. People who do not have goals often look at problems and ask themselves 'why?' People with goals see the problem and ask themselves 'why not?' People who have goals are able to see how problems can help them achieve their goal. By solving this or that problem, they realise that they will be one step closer to their goal."


4. Goal Setting Encourages Discipline

I will discuss discipline later, but to work goals need you to be strong enough to stick to them. Eventually discipline will become a habit and you will find more will get done. Believe me, this is something I need!

As Bob Urichuck puts it:

"Goal setting has to be a discipline from the beginning."



Most goal-setting teachers talk about the mnemonic 'SMART' to describe the features required of a good goal. Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, Timetable. I will stick to this format to discuss creating goals.

SMART: Goals Should Be SPECIFIC



To be effective, goals need to be clearly defined and described. We have already worked on defining our dreams so hopefully we do not need to do much more here but we must now be very clear about what we want from life.


Jim Rohn describes it like this:

"Like a well-defined dream, well-defined goals work like magnets. They pull you in their direction. The better YOU DEFINE them, the better YOU DESCRIBE them, the harder YOU WORK on achieving them, the stronger THEY PULL."

And Zig Ziglar again:

"Whatever you want - if you expect to reach full effectiveness - must be specific in detail."

"Unless you have definite, precise, clearly set goals, you are not going to realise the maximum potential that lies within you."

Your goals need to be specified in detail. Saying, for example, 'I want to be happy' is not enough, you need to specify what being happy means to you; for example, 'I will retire from work, I will spend time with my family.'

I also think talking in terms of money is less effective than identifying what money can bring you. Some groups teach visualising a sum of money, but I think it would be better to visualise the results. 'I want to earn $100,000' is a goal but might be easier to picture if you said 'I want to earn $100,000 and buy myself a red Ferrari.'

You also need to set your goals as high as possible. High goals create excitement and cause you to stretch and grow.

The key seems to be to set the goals high enough to excite and yet not so high that they are intimidating. We will cover more about this later but the answer seems to be to set large goals with a succession of small goals leading up to them.

As with dreams, it is almost essential to think like a child. I once heard it said if children ran the world, very little would be impossible. It is only in adulthood we begin to fear what could go wrong in life.

"You see, many of us have become too skeptical. We've lost that wonderfully innocent, childlike faith and trust. Don't let this stop you. Believe in and have faith in yourself and your goals. And get excited - just like a child. Childlike enthusiasm - there's nothing more contagious." (Jim Rohn)

You need to find your 'hot button' - the goal that will set you on your way to success.

How To Identify Your Motivating Goals

Several teachers suggest ways to understand the goals that will motivate you.

Robin Sieger, suggests how you would like to look back over your life.

"When you are looking back as an elderly person sitting in the sunshine in Florida or wherever you want to be, what would you want to look back on with the greatest pride?"

He suggests two questions: Where do you want to be? When do you want to get there?

I have been lucky enough to spend time with a highly motivated entrepreneur by the name of Adil Amarsi. In his blog, Adil suggests this approach:

"'What would my perfect AVERAGE day look like?'"

"'If I had to live this way everyday, and if I didn't I would die, what would it look like?'"

"Then from there just break it down...don't say something like, 'Wake up, smoke a ton of drugs followed by a vodka binge, then have sex with a busload of women, then drive my car at top speed'...that will get you killed."

"Seriously you want to do something along the lines of where do you live, what does your house look/smell/feel like and so on?"

"What are your first thoughts of your day while you brush your teeth, what would you have for breakfast etc…?"

"So break it down to the mundane things because if you don't then it's hard for you...but if you do then it's very simple."

Adil makes a good point there. For a goal to make an impact in your subconscious, you need to define it in great detail. Robin Sieger again:

"First, you must clearly define your goal in precise visual, emotive terms."

"The second thing you must do is get emotionally connected to the feelings that achieving the goal in terms that give you a feeling of success."

In an audio presentation to Success University , Bob Urichuck says that, to be effective, we must use our senses to make the goal more real - see it, feel it, smell it, touch it, hear it. In a video, also for Success University, that charismatic speaker, Wolfgang Riebe licks a Mercedes to demonstrate you should be able to taste your dream!

The key is to keep it light and listen to your feelings. This is something mentioned by Steve Pavlina in his blog on indecision where he says that we know deep down what we want and all we need to do is understand if our decisions, or goals, feel right.

Lastly, if you are still struggling with what are the right goals for you, then Jim Rohn helps by identifying some possible motivators:

Recognition.

Many people like to be seen to be successful. Wise companies give their employees the symbols of status such as cars and titles or even recognise employees of the month. Are you driven by the need for recognition? Most people are in some form.

The Feeling of Winning

There are few feelings better than the feeling of success. I personally think this will come whatever goals you achieve.

Family

Many people will do anything for their family.

Benevolence

Andrew Carnegie spent the first half of his life becoming the richest man in the world and the second half giving it all away. Does giving motivate you?

Anger and Embarrassment

Yes, even negative emotions can be motivators. Fed up that you cannot meet the payment of bills each month? Frustrated at your car breaking down constantly? Use these feelings as motivators for goals.




Well, I hope we are getting the goals set up for you. Next week I will continue the SMART theme with the 'M' for Measurable.

As usual, I wish you my very best wishes for a great week and I leave you this time with a video of the great Zig Ziglar at his best.


Keith


http://www.keithbraithwaite.com/






(copyright Nightingale Conant)

Values: The Values Of One

In examining our dreams and creating our future lives (being the architect of our lives, if you like), I feel it is important to take a moment to understand and appreciate what features of our characters are important.

We have already established that money is needed to survive in the modern world, and, I suppose it depends on your definition of true success, but in my opinion, we need to include the following values in our lives to gain the most benefit.


Honesty


In his book, The Magic Of Thinking Big, David Schwartz tells the story of a student who made a total mess of an examination paper. Dr. Schwartz knew the student was capable of being top of his class so was concerned enough to ask the man in to see him. He asked the student what had happened.

The student responded in this way: 'Sir, after I saw that you had spotted me cheating, I just went to pieces. I could not concentrate on anything. Honest, this is the first time I've ever cheated at the university. I desperately wanted to succeed so I...' He then went on to explain how he expected to be dismissed, how it would wreck his life and bring shame to his family.


In fact, Dr Schwartz had no idea the man had cheated and reassured the man he had learned a lesson on the value of honesty.

Men have too frequently destroyed their lives by having an extra marital affair and then become overcome with guilt and fear they might be found out. Many criminals are caught simply because they act in a guilty manner.

"There is within each of us a desire to be right, to think right, and act right. When we go against that desire we put a cancer in our conscience. Avoid doing anything that will cause you to ask yourself: 'Will I get caught? Will they find out? Will I get away with it?'"

Honesty and simply doing what is right is so valuable.

Schwartz again: "Doing what's right keeps your conscience satisfied. And this builds self-confidence. When we do what is known to be wrong, two negative things happen. First, we feel guilty, and this guilt eats away confidence. Secondly, other people sooner or later find out and lose confidence in us. Do what is right and keep your confidence."

A lack of honesty also complicates your life. For example, if you tell a lie for whatever reason you need to remember what you said in future conversations or be found out.

You may achieve a level of success, but if it were based on dishonest acts, any happiness achieved would be diluted by the guilt you feel. Equally other people would lose their trust in you and subsequent relationships are put in doubt.

I have made some really stupid mistakes in my life but have learned to be honest about them. Any hurt would be magnified if I try to avoid responsibility and lie. I do have a strong conscience, which will not let me relax if I have been dishonest.

Obviously it is better not to make the mistakes in the first place!

At the same time, it is good to use common sense. Being brutally honest can be equally hurtful - especially when commenting on someone's appearance!


"What you give, you get in return. If you give honesty, you will receive honesty."

Robin Sieger




Loyalty

Like me, you may have included some improvement in your relationships with loved ones, friends and family in your dreams. One way to do this is to show them a degree of loyalty.

Be loyal enough to take their side in all events and do the best by them at every opportunity.

Remember you will know in your heart when you have done the right thing by someone - and if you do not, well, you will know this too.

Obviously if you have a partner, married or unmarried, then he or she should be the centre of your life, with no competition.

Winston Churchill was certainly loyal to his friends and family and especially his wife, Clementine, to whom he was devoted. One of his supporters and companions, Brendan Bracken said of Churchill "He would go to the stake for a friend."








Reliability/Dependability


One of the main purposes of this exercise is to improve your own self-image and being reliable and dependable certainly helps to do this.

I'm sure you have been in the situation where you have organised an event, perhaps a social gathering, only to have people you have invited not turn up even though they promised they would. How did you feel? Disappointed? Feeling you were not important enough for that person to make a commitment to you?

We will talk more about skills with people later, but being unreliable is a sure-fire way to offend others.

This includes punctuality, by the way, which has been a weakness of mine in the past. Be there at the time you said and it will be an unspoken compliment to the person you are to meet.

Think also how you feel about trades people who do not undertake what they promised. As I write this, I am waiting for a telephone call from one company who was meant to ring me before this and a plumber who was meant to be here to do a job already. The likelihood of my using either again is reducing by the minute!

I think if these values become disciplined and then habitual you can concentrate on moving forward and improving your circumstances.




Strength


Here I do not mean physical strength but moral strength. This is related to dependability.

Personally, one of the greatest aims in my life is to be there if any member of my family or friends need support. Once again, if I know I have done what is right it gives me a bigger buzz than almost anything else: better than drugs and alcohol for sure! If anything I do helps others enjoy a better life then that is okay by me.

I think we all have a responsibility to be as strong as possible in order to help those less able to help themselves. This infers we need to make the best of ourselves and to show compassion.




Compassion


I believe compassion is different to sympathy. Sympathy is someone falling into a hole and you jumping down with them and saying 'Oh no, this is terrible.' Compassion is someone falling into a hole and you looking in and saying 'Oh, I understand the situation', and reaching down to help them out.

In other words, compassion involves appreciating the trials of other people and then helping them over come their challenges - if they want assistance. You can only help people if they want help!

Stephen Mansfield in his book on Winston Churchill, 'Never Give In', writes:

"There is a difference between pity and compassion. Pity is an entirely emotional response of sorrow for another's ill fortune. It is feeling not necessarily accompanied by action. Compassion, on the other hand, moves people to action. It is more than sympathizing, more than sharing another's feelings. Compassion is the potent combination of genuine empathy with fiery determination to create change. Throughout history, pity has been the luxury of every age, but compassion marks only strong and noble societies rooted in something beyond material gain and sensual indulgence.








Humility


Arrogance is an obstacle to achieving our dreams, an unnecessary waste of energy. It is a belief of superiority over others. When people have arrogance they repel other people. They become unattractive. I regret this is all too common in some managers in the corporate world.

Humility is the opposite of arrogance. It explains why Adolf Hitler came so close to winning the Second World War - and it explains why he eventually lost. Initially, he left the day-to-day decisions to his officers in the field during the Blitzkrieg. He was humble enough to trust their abilities. After a while, however, Hitler became more arrogant and paranoid, which caused him to make all decisions himself. Authority became too centralised and unwieldy.

Humble leaders accept the input of others and people thus included are more likely to follow the leader.

In his very readable book, 'You Can Change Your Life Any Time You Want', Robin Sieger states: "Humility allows us to go through life without needing to see ourselves as better than others. Humility is accepting, it is quiet, and it is calm. Humility is a confident respect for others and for oneself."

He explains that humility allows us to enjoy and understand life better as we no longer compare ourselves to others and so no longer have to feel superior or inferior to our fellows. We feel in balance with others: we feel equal.

"Humility enables us to be fully open to others, to really listen to them, to give them all of our attention, because we no longer worry about what they may be thinking about us, nor are we judging them."

The truth is we can only feel humble when compared with the power and beauty of the world about you. I recall sitting on the summit of a mountain in the English Lake District on fine day and realising that the Queen or the President of the United States could be in the valley below and I would not know. That made me realise how humble we are without even considering the immensity of the universe!

I am aware I have previously discussed the possibility that we are created in the image of God, but I still think humility is important, as arrogance is most un-Godlike! The truth is we still find it difficult to understand what God is so still feel humble in our ignorance.

It seems to me that the most impressive people in my life have tended to be quiet and have had a humble strength. I put it that way as being humble can be seen as being servile and weak but I believe it is more a quiet confidence. After all, supremely confident people would have no need to compare themselves to others.




The Paradox of Success


Here we come upon the key paradox.

During my life I have become aware of what I have come to know as 'the Losers Creed'. On a regular basis I seem to hear someone say 'You have to look after number one' or 'Look after yourself ahead of the others.' However, I have come to realise nobody who ever says this has achieved what I would consider success.

Although we have to be selfish in identifying our dreams, I do not believe we can achieve real success without working with or satisfying other people. I know we cannot satisfy everyone but it should be clear to whom you have a particular responsibility. This would certainly include family and friends."No man is an island," wrote John Donne and I believe fulfilment requires successful interaction with others.

Clearly this can create a clash between doing what you want and what others expect. This is why we need to consider what values are important as we set our goals next month. I guess we need to make the best of ourselves in order to serve our dependents and society as a whole.

At all times success requires the ability to deal satisfactorily with others in a way that ensures as many people as possible feel they have gained from the experience. It is a difficult balance but it should become clearer as we progress.



"Do not believe the world when it tells you that you must always attend to 'number one' first, and to others afterwards. To do this is not to think of others at all, but only of one's own comforts."

"To those who practice this the day will come when they will be deserted by all, and when they cry out in their loneliness and anguish there will be no one to hear and help them. To consider one's self before all others is to cramp and warp and hinder every noble and divine impulse."

James Allen (The Path of Prosperity)




Conclusion


I think we have now pinned down our dreams and put them in the perspective of what is valuable to us. Success therefore would seem to be a balance of the material and those things money cannot buy and between the selfish and the unselfish.

Okay. But dreams alone will not move me to action. What we need to do is to set dates to these dreams and devise a plan to achieve them. We need to develop a sense of urgency; something I have always found a challenge.

We need therefore to set some goals. It just so happens this is the subject of the next blog.

Until then, my very best wishes as ever.


Keith


www.KeithBraithwaite.com

Dreams 2: Dreamers Are The Saviours Of The World

The dreamers are the saviours of the world. As the visible world is sustained by the invisible, so men, through all their trials and sins and sordid vocations, are nourished by the beautiful visions of their solitary dreamers.
Humanity cannot forget its dreams; it cannot let their ideals fade and die; it lives in them; it knows them as their realities which it shall one day see and know.

James Allen (As A Man Thinketh)

Last week I wrote an introduction to the all-important subject of Dreams. Next week I will start to identify my, and your, dreams to begin the process of achieving success.


There are three subjects I would like to cover before we start.



Materialism and Money


Okay, let's get this one out of the way.


Many times in the past I have been told (and I repeated it myself to others) that 'the best things in life are free' and, in theory it is true.


However, after much consideration, I realise in practise that very little in life is truly free. We live in a materialistic society. Later, among my dreams, you will see non-materialistic aims like 'spend more time with my family and friends', hill walking and charity work. These things take time.


We all need money to pay for food, housing, transport and so on and, at present, I work long hours to pay my bills. This means I have very little time to have 'a life'. So I don't have enough time for these non-material activities.


The truth is I have to find enough money so I don't have to attend my job and thus have time to undertake the important things in life.


Don't tell anyone, but another dream is to have a family and, boy, do they take money!


I was once privileged to hear a great speaker, former Vice President of IBM, Bill O'Brien, say it best: "Money is not important, I just put it up there with oxygen."


On the subject of money, I find I am disagreeing with some authors who suggest you should picture the amount of money you want. I realise it is more important to concentrate on what the money would bring you. Seeing yourself with $1 million is not as powerful, in my opinion, as seeing yourself in your $1 million house, for example.


Influential speaker and youth leader, Pat Mesiti, says, "There is something far greater than money - it is purpose."







SNIOP - Negative Thinking


This is a theme that will occur time and time again in these blogs. Other people stuck in the stressful grind of day-to-day life will not understand the idea that your dreams can set you free (I was out during rush hour recently - what a great time to see how the lives of so many are out of control!).


The danger with encouraging your dreams lies in with who you share your vision. I have several 'friends' with who I would never consider discussing the future, as they would only attempt to undermine my efforts. I guess the problem is finding those who would be empathetic - that is the point of this blog, I suppose.


The great teacher, Zig Ziglar coined the expression 'SNIOP' - Susceptible to The Negative Thinking Of Others.


Some years ago I had the honour of hearing a talk by Morris Goodman, the Miracle Man. Morris' story is told within the book and movie 'The Secret'. In short, Morris was desperately injured in a plane crash, died and was revived. Every part of his body was damaged, much beyond repair, but he taught himself to breathe, speak, eat, walk, indeed everything we take for granted. I have a signed copy of his book in front of me here.

The time had come for me to see how intense my belief in myself was. There could be no room for doubt, no hesitation or uncertainty. Not achieving this goal meant not achieving any other goal - ever.

Bob Proctor, a motivational speaker, often came to mind during this trying period. I recalled two phrases that would give me strength to ignore the dire prophecies of my caretakers: 'If you can't see yourself doing something, you will never do it' and 'We cannot outgrow the limits we impose on ourselves until we enlarge our image of ourselves.' If my expectations were going to govern my life, I was going to aim high!

But I not only had to be determined to reach my goals, but I had to ward off the negative anticipations of my doctors. Their desire to avoid fostering any false hope could have killed me. They meant to save me from disappointments. They knew the odds and tried to explain them to me. They wanted me to be realistic. I refused to accept their reality; I was going to create my own.

Zig Ziglar, the motivator who has inspired me more than any other, has a term for this situation, SNIOP'ed. It means to be 'susceptible to the negative influence of other people.' Studies show that other people's negative expectations often become self-fulfilling prophecies - teachers, bosses, spouses, parents, doctors - they can lock you in a cage of limits. If you accept these limits, you'll never go beyond them. But you have the key. Unlock the cage with self-confidence, and you can go a far as you desire.

As Morris indicated, don't be too hard on those who will not understand your dreams - they think they are doing you a favour by preventing you 'getting your expectations too high'. But, as James Allen puts it: "He who cherishes a beautiful vision, a lofty ideal in his heart will one day realise it."






Solitary Meditation


As we head towards identifying our dreams, and then later, our goals in life. I would quickly like to look at the role of solitary thought. Particularly in considering our life's purpose, sitting quietly alone and thinking has a lot to recommend it.

I find I have too little time to stop and consider my life and situation but, when I do, I feel refreshed and ready to face the world. A little gentle music seems to help if you are at home (one piece I love is Elgar's 'Nimrod') but sitting in a tranquil countryside setting is even better, I believe.


James Allen was a great champion of quiet reflection (he used to sit on a headland and stare out to sea):

Meditation is the intense dwelling, in thought, upon an idea or theme, with the object of thoroughly comprehending it, and whatsoever you constantly meditate upon you will not only come to understand, but will grow more and more into its likeness, for it will become incorporated into your very being, will become, in fact, your very self.

(From 'The Way of Peace')

In solitude a man gathers strength to meet the difficulties and temptations of life, knowledge to understand and conquer them, and wisdom to transcend them. As a building is preserved and sustained by virtue of the foundation which is hidden and unobserved, so a man is maintained perpetually in strength and peace by virtue of his lonely hour of intense thought which no eye beholds.

(From 'Byways of Blessedness')

Now if you will take advantage of a quiet hour or two in the early morning or at night, and go away to some solitary spot, or to some room in your house where you know you will be absolutely free from intrusion, and having seated yourself in an easy attitude, you forcibly direct your mind right away from the object of anxiety by dwelling upon something in your life that is pleasing and blissgiving, a calm, reposeful strength will gradually steal into your mind, and your anxiety will pass away.

It may be that you will have to try day after day before you will be able to perfectly calm your mind, but if you persevere you will certainly accomplish it. And the course which is presented to you in that hour of calmness must be carried out.

Be guided absolutely and entirely by the vision of calmness, and not by the shadows of anxiety. The hour of calmness is the illumination and correct judgement.

(From 'The Path of Prosperity')


The ideal is to do this on a daily basis. I certainly think it is worth meditating quietly on identifying your dreams.


And this, at last, is the subject of the next blog. We now get on to the most important job of pinning down our dreams.


Until then, my very best wishes,


Keith



http://www.keithbraithwaite.com/

Dreams 1: Any Dream Will Do

In the last set of blogs, we looked at Fear and how to overcome it. This time, we move on to a study of dreams. I will try to find my dreams and, at the same time, I hope we can identify yours too, your motivation to do better.

In this way we will move from a position of fear to personal power as I have found your dreams are the foundation of success.

Do you feel you don't have a dream? Well, consider this. Every child has a dream - what posters did you have on your wall as a child? What did you want to be? Why is that not your dream now? Or maybe you achieved your dream. Congratulations.

I'll bet you do have a dream now though. Every parent has a dream of helping his or her child grow up in the best way. Every striking building was once a dream, every book was a dream, all those dating websites are full of people who have a dream to find a soul mate, every bored worker has a dream to be free, perhaps lying on a beach somewhere and every athlete has a dream to be world champion. Accept this - there are dreams all around us. Unfortunately it is not fashionable to talk, to think about your dreams.

That idea stops here. Find that dream for it is the fuel that will drive you towards success.

At the beginning of the movie 'Pretty Woman' a man crosses the street shouting: 'What is your dream? What is your dream? This is Hollywood, everyone has a dream.' Sorry, my friend, I believe everyone everywhere has a dream.

I realise everyone needs a desire, a hunger, to move on. This is what I have been lacking in my life. A strong enough dream gives you motivation to overcome any residual fears left we have left.

Last week I attended a business conference for Internet marketers and home business entrepreneurs. I met some highly motivated individuals and noticed (and I don't want to be racist here but the fact cannot be ignored) that nearly all the most motivated were from an immigrant background. Why is this?

The answer, I believe, comes down to hunger. In Britain particularly we have a welfare state, which will pay you if there is no other way for you to make money. Obviously this is marvellous if you are truly unable to earn an income. Unfortunately, we now have reached the position where some families find they are better off not working but living on state benefits. Connected with this is a memory of socialism, which leads to a general discouraging of innovation and wealth. I regret also the rise of the so called 'nanny state' where risk and individual decision-making are actively discouraged.

I have been influenced by this collective negative thinking myself and am appalled by the people I see every day who have no zest or confidence in their lives through being in the same position (or worse). Of course, this has left society exposed to the recession we now find ourselves in.

Billionaire Warren Buffett put it best, I think, when he recently observed "You never know who is swimming naked until the tide goes out."


If you find yourself in a similar position to me, then you might agree we need to re-establish the motivation, the desire of individuals. I now understand this starts with discovering our dreams.



Oh dear, I can hear you say, 'Dreams? We want concrete action to change our lives, not airy fairy dreams.' I know you said that because that is exactly what I said. However, reading and understanding the power of dreams has changed my mind.


I think someone else can explain this better.



The View of Wes Beavis


I turn to Wes Beavis, an Australian singer, speaker and author, writing in his introduction to his entertaining and essential book 'Become the Person You Dream of Being'.


"It seems almost a lifetime ago but I still remember my first grade teacher calling to me from the front of the classroom. It took me a while to register that someone was seeking my attention and of the many words she said to me all I can remember was 'stop dreaming and pay attention.' I did enjoy the occasional journey into the realm of fantasy. To be imagining myself as a fireman fighting the horrendous fire that was threatening the school or a policeman catching the robber was a much more exciting use of my mind at the time. From the tone of my teacher's voice, I got the impression that dreaming was something you were not supposed to do."


"So I grew up thinking that dreaming, apart from when you're sleeping, was an indication of a lazy mind. Try as I did to avoid it, however, I was always drawn to imagine myself in scenarios beyond present reality."


"It was not until years later that I understood the place and power of a dream. When reviewing the great events of my life and development, I discovered that they all began with a dream. The experience where the mind transcends the present and imagines something good becoming reality seemed to be at the start of every one of my noteworthy achievements."


"Somehow, and perhaps mysteriously, dreaming is the first step to releasing reality from the realm of potential. It can unlock desire that has been lying dormant. This dream induced desire can then set you on a course to becoming what you dream of being."


"When you think about your life ask yourself this question 'Is the world seeing the best of me?'"


"Maybe your answer to this is the cause of that niggling frustration that you have been carrying. Deep inside, you know that you have more to offer than what the world is currently seeing."


"Sometimes you catch yourself visualizing being someone greater. Have you noticed that when you come back to reality, the dream leaves you with a gnawing feeling that there is a greater you longing to emerge?"


"Therein lies the power of the dream. It beckons you to consider becoming someone greater. If you have a dream, you are poised for greatness. For the seed of greatness germinate in the dream."


Next week we will continue to look further into the significance of dreams and then start the all-important process of identifying our own dreams.


In the meantime, have a great week. With my greatest wishes,



Keith


http://www.keithbraithwaite.com/