Mentality 1: Your Attitude Determines Your Altitude

"I said, 'Excuse me, I'm going to be a pro golfer.' They said, 'No ,no, only one in two thousand or ten thousand makes it.' So I said, 'Fine. I'm the one.' I had that level of self-commitment."
Champion golfer Nick Faldo .


We now have our goals in place. To achieve these goals, and our quality of life, we now need to marshal our resources both mental and physical.

First we start with the seat of all success - the mind.



Attitude and Belief

In the fascinating book, 'Mind Games' , former British national athletics coach Frank Dick talks of his relationship with double Olympic gold medal winning decathlete, Daley Thompson.

"Just after a hard day's work, when we were sitting back and feeling the sun on our faces, Daley said to me, 'Frankie, who's the greatest athlete you ever saw?" I asked if he meant even in videos, and he said yes. I named someone who had made four world records in one day. Daley said, 'Forget it, buddy, you're looking at him.'"

Mental training is an essential part of all sports. I cannot say I have experience of sports at a high level but I did spend some time involved in hill walking and expedition leadership where belief in your ability was probably more important than physical fitness.

With so many other challenges in life, the only barrier to our success is mental, something we touched upon previously when discussing fear.

Scammers and confidence tricksters use their attitude to persuade their victims of their plausibility. A few years ago I did some work locating properties for investors and was amazed how I easy it was to broker multi-million pound deals with professionals without having any previous experience myself.

Belief in yourself and a positive attitude are therefore key to success in any field.

As mentioned before, success requires breaking out from our comfort zone, and this can be frightening. And yet, once you have expanded your mind in this way, it will never be the same again.

James Allen says this: "As a being of thought, your dominant mental attitude will determine your condition in life."

Bob Urichuck : "Your attitude is 100% within your control! There are plenty of things in life that we have no control over. We can't control the weather, the time or what other people say or do. But we can control the way we react, our thoughts, our self-talk and our beliefs."

Robin Sieger agrees: "You have to believe in yourself and your capacity to succeed whatever happens. To have an unshakeable faith that you will make it."

He relates this can be seen in world-class champions in both sport and business.

"These people have a belief that will enable them to overcome hurdles that we would probably stare at and say 'No way through there and give up.'"

"I hope you really believe that you can achieve your personal goals and not pay lip service to them. So it is good to reflect on what we want to achieve in our lives and make sure they are not wishes we pay lip service to, but rather they are real goals that we believe in and act upon."

James Allen: "Belief is the basis of all action, and, this being so, the belief which dominates the heart or mind is shown in the life. Every man acts, thinks, lives in exact accordance with the belief which is rooted in his innermost being."

"Belief lies at the root of all human conduct. Every thought, every act, every habit, is the direct outcome of a certain fixed belief, and one's conduct alters only as one's beliefs are modified. What we cling to, in that we believe; what we practice, in that we believe. When our belief in a thing ceases, we can no longer cling to or practice it; it falls away from us as a garment out-worn."

This is the basis of the Law of Attraction. What we believe in, what we focus our mind on is most likely to occur.

Bob Urichuck : "What you think about is what you attract into your life. Negative thoughts attract certain conditions in your life, as does positive thinking. You have the ability to make any thought a reality. Mix those thoughts with emotion and they have an even greater impact on becoming reality."


The Quiet Man


James Allen talks about the confidence of the quiet man. I can think of individuals who appear to have belief in themselves who one might say have a good attitude. And yet these people are outgoing and loud: full of themselves, if you will. I think the truth is that the truly confident with the best attitude are generally also the most quiet. They feel no need to prove themselves.
As you adopt a positive, success-orientated attitude you may well find yourself approaching situations in the same calm, unruffled manner.

I have been lucky enough in my life to have dealings with several such individuals. The world of exploration and mountaineering in particular seems to breed this type. Three good examples that leap to mind would be Sir Ranulph Fiennes, Sir Chris Bonnington and Bear Grylls. You feel their confidence and are drawn to them.

James Allen: "The calm man, having learned how to govern himself, knows how to adapt himself to others; and they, in turn, reverence his spiritual strength, and feel that they can learn of him and rely upon him. The more tranquil a man becomes, the greater is his success, his influence, his power for good."

James Allen (1864-1912) certainly practised what he preached. A neighbour in Ilfracombe, Devon quoted in his biography by John Woodcock described Allen a having "a mysterious air" and "You almost had the feeling he could put a spell on you. We stepped aside when he came along."

Martial arts masters acknowledge this attitude of confident peace too.

In his book on T'ai Chi Ch'uan, Master T.T. Liang writes: "The principle of T'ai Chi is to control action by tranquillity and to conquer the forceful and unyielding with the gentle and yielding. From nothingness something is produced: it looks like nothing, though it is something; it looks soft, but in reality it is firm."

"When the mind can be maintained firmly, then a calm unperturbedness can be attained; and to that calmness there will succeed a tranquil repose of the spirit of vitality."

A few years ago the England soccer manager, Sven-Goran Eriksson was impressed by his captain David Beckham. "Beckham is very positive. He's still young, but he's a leader. He doesn't talk very much, but that's positive about him. He works very hard and always tries to find solutions for difficult tasks. That's important."

It may be going slightly off topic, but I can vouch personally for the advantages of quiet confidence. On customer services training courses in the past we were always being told to deal with a loud, argumentative person by using a measured, quiet tone. Inevitably the loud bully will quieten his or her tone to match your own. I have tried this and it does work.

On one occasion, however, I was able to imitate this attitude in an extreme test. A gang of loud teenagers decided to use the front wall of my property as a seat and to occasionally climb into my garden. I simply stood in full view of them and said nothing. Initially they shouted abuse at me but my quietness and inactivity unsettled them to the point where they simply got up and walked away. I can only conclude such people feed off the emotions of others and, when confronted with calmness, they have no reply.

(I use the expression the 'Quiet Man', full in the knowledge that this can relate to both men and women alike.)


Conclusion

Attitude from a belief in yourself is clearly required for success in any field. But how do we get this belief and attitude? In the next blog we will deal with this question.

Until the next time, have a great week. With my very best wishes as ever,

Keith


http://www.keithbraithwaite.com/

Values: The Values Of One

In examining our dreams and creating our future lives (being the architect of our lives, if you like), I feel it is important to take a moment to understand and appreciate what features of our characters are important.

We have already established that money is needed to survive in the modern world, and, I suppose it depends on your definition of true success, but in my opinion, we need to include the following values in our lives to gain the most benefit.


Honesty


In his book, The Magic Of Thinking Big, David Schwartz tells the story of a student who made a total mess of an examination paper. Dr. Schwartz knew the student was capable of being top of his class so was concerned enough to ask the man in to see him. He asked the student what had happened.

The student responded in this way: 'Sir, after I saw that you had spotted me cheating, I just went to pieces. I could not concentrate on anything. Honest, this is the first time I've ever cheated at the university. I desperately wanted to succeed so I...' He then went on to explain how he expected to be dismissed, how it would wreck his life and bring shame to his family.


In fact, Dr Schwartz had no idea the man had cheated and reassured the man he had learned a lesson on the value of honesty.

Men have too frequently destroyed their lives by having an extra marital affair and then become overcome with guilt and fear they might be found out. Many criminals are caught simply because they act in a guilty manner.

"There is within each of us a desire to be right, to think right, and act right. When we go against that desire we put a cancer in our conscience. Avoid doing anything that will cause you to ask yourself: 'Will I get caught? Will they find out? Will I get away with it?'"

Honesty and simply doing what is right is so valuable.

Schwartz again: "Doing what's right keeps your conscience satisfied. And this builds self-confidence. When we do what is known to be wrong, two negative things happen. First, we feel guilty, and this guilt eats away confidence. Secondly, other people sooner or later find out and lose confidence in us. Do what is right and keep your confidence."

A lack of honesty also complicates your life. For example, if you tell a lie for whatever reason you need to remember what you said in future conversations or be found out.

You may achieve a level of success, but if it were based on dishonest acts, any happiness achieved would be diluted by the guilt you feel. Equally other people would lose their trust in you and subsequent relationships are put in doubt.

I have made some really stupid mistakes in my life but have learned to be honest about them. Any hurt would be magnified if I try to avoid responsibility and lie. I do have a strong conscience, which will not let me relax if I have been dishonest.

Obviously it is better not to make the mistakes in the first place!

At the same time, it is good to use common sense. Being brutally honest can be equally hurtful - especially when commenting on someone's appearance!


"What you give, you get in return. If you give honesty, you will receive honesty."

Robin Sieger




Loyalty

Like me, you may have included some improvement in your relationships with loved ones, friends and family in your dreams. One way to do this is to show them a degree of loyalty.

Be loyal enough to take their side in all events and do the best by them at every opportunity.

Remember you will know in your heart when you have done the right thing by someone - and if you do not, well, you will know this too.

Obviously if you have a partner, married or unmarried, then he or she should be the centre of your life, with no competition.

Winston Churchill was certainly loyal to his friends and family and especially his wife, Clementine, to whom he was devoted. One of his supporters and companions, Brendan Bracken said of Churchill "He would go to the stake for a friend."








Reliability/Dependability


One of the main purposes of this exercise is to improve your own self-image and being reliable and dependable certainly helps to do this.

I'm sure you have been in the situation where you have organised an event, perhaps a social gathering, only to have people you have invited not turn up even though they promised they would. How did you feel? Disappointed? Feeling you were not important enough for that person to make a commitment to you?

We will talk more about skills with people later, but being unreliable is a sure-fire way to offend others.

This includes punctuality, by the way, which has been a weakness of mine in the past. Be there at the time you said and it will be an unspoken compliment to the person you are to meet.

Think also how you feel about trades people who do not undertake what they promised. As I write this, I am waiting for a telephone call from one company who was meant to ring me before this and a plumber who was meant to be here to do a job already. The likelihood of my using either again is reducing by the minute!

I think if these values become disciplined and then habitual you can concentrate on moving forward and improving your circumstances.




Strength


Here I do not mean physical strength but moral strength. This is related to dependability.

Personally, one of the greatest aims in my life is to be there if any member of my family or friends need support. Once again, if I know I have done what is right it gives me a bigger buzz than almost anything else: better than drugs and alcohol for sure! If anything I do helps others enjoy a better life then that is okay by me.

I think we all have a responsibility to be as strong as possible in order to help those less able to help themselves. This infers we need to make the best of ourselves and to show compassion.




Compassion


I believe compassion is different to sympathy. Sympathy is someone falling into a hole and you jumping down with them and saying 'Oh no, this is terrible.' Compassion is someone falling into a hole and you looking in and saying 'Oh, I understand the situation', and reaching down to help them out.

In other words, compassion involves appreciating the trials of other people and then helping them over come their challenges - if they want assistance. You can only help people if they want help!

Stephen Mansfield in his book on Winston Churchill, 'Never Give In', writes:

"There is a difference between pity and compassion. Pity is an entirely emotional response of sorrow for another's ill fortune. It is feeling not necessarily accompanied by action. Compassion, on the other hand, moves people to action. It is more than sympathizing, more than sharing another's feelings. Compassion is the potent combination of genuine empathy with fiery determination to create change. Throughout history, pity has been the luxury of every age, but compassion marks only strong and noble societies rooted in something beyond material gain and sensual indulgence.








Humility


Arrogance is an obstacle to achieving our dreams, an unnecessary waste of energy. It is a belief of superiority over others. When people have arrogance they repel other people. They become unattractive. I regret this is all too common in some managers in the corporate world.

Humility is the opposite of arrogance. It explains why Adolf Hitler came so close to winning the Second World War - and it explains why he eventually lost. Initially, he left the day-to-day decisions to his officers in the field during the Blitzkrieg. He was humble enough to trust their abilities. After a while, however, Hitler became more arrogant and paranoid, which caused him to make all decisions himself. Authority became too centralised and unwieldy.

Humble leaders accept the input of others and people thus included are more likely to follow the leader.

In his very readable book, 'You Can Change Your Life Any Time You Want', Robin Sieger states: "Humility allows us to go through life without needing to see ourselves as better than others. Humility is accepting, it is quiet, and it is calm. Humility is a confident respect for others and for oneself."

He explains that humility allows us to enjoy and understand life better as we no longer compare ourselves to others and so no longer have to feel superior or inferior to our fellows. We feel in balance with others: we feel equal.

"Humility enables us to be fully open to others, to really listen to them, to give them all of our attention, because we no longer worry about what they may be thinking about us, nor are we judging them."

The truth is we can only feel humble when compared with the power and beauty of the world about you. I recall sitting on the summit of a mountain in the English Lake District on fine day and realising that the Queen or the President of the United States could be in the valley below and I would not know. That made me realise how humble we are without even considering the immensity of the universe!

I am aware I have previously discussed the possibility that we are created in the image of God, but I still think humility is important, as arrogance is most un-Godlike! The truth is we still find it difficult to understand what God is so still feel humble in our ignorance.

It seems to me that the most impressive people in my life have tended to be quiet and have had a humble strength. I put it that way as being humble can be seen as being servile and weak but I believe it is more a quiet confidence. After all, supremely confident people would have no need to compare themselves to others.




The Paradox of Success


Here we come upon the key paradox.

During my life I have become aware of what I have come to know as 'the Losers Creed'. On a regular basis I seem to hear someone say 'You have to look after number one' or 'Look after yourself ahead of the others.' However, I have come to realise nobody who ever says this has achieved what I would consider success.

Although we have to be selfish in identifying our dreams, I do not believe we can achieve real success without working with or satisfying other people. I know we cannot satisfy everyone but it should be clear to whom you have a particular responsibility. This would certainly include family and friends."No man is an island," wrote John Donne and I believe fulfilment requires successful interaction with others.

Clearly this can create a clash between doing what you want and what others expect. This is why we need to consider what values are important as we set our goals next month. I guess we need to make the best of ourselves in order to serve our dependents and society as a whole.

At all times success requires the ability to deal satisfactorily with others in a way that ensures as many people as possible feel they have gained from the experience. It is a difficult balance but it should become clearer as we progress.



"Do not believe the world when it tells you that you must always attend to 'number one' first, and to others afterwards. To do this is not to think of others at all, but only of one's own comforts."

"To those who practice this the day will come when they will be deserted by all, and when they cry out in their loneliness and anguish there will be no one to hear and help them. To consider one's self before all others is to cramp and warp and hinder every noble and divine impulse."

James Allen (The Path of Prosperity)




Conclusion


I think we have now pinned down our dreams and put them in the perspective of what is valuable to us. Success therefore would seem to be a balance of the material and those things money cannot buy and between the selfish and the unselfish.

Okay. But dreams alone will not move me to action. What we need to do is to set dates to these dreams and devise a plan to achieve them. We need to develop a sense of urgency; something I have always found a challenge.

We need therefore to set some goals. It just so happens this is the subject of the next blog.

Until then, my very best wishes as ever.


Keith


www.KeithBraithwaite.com

Dreams 1: Any Dream Will Do

In the last set of blogs, we looked at Fear and how to overcome it. This time, we move on to a study of dreams. I will try to find my dreams and, at the same time, I hope we can identify yours too, your motivation to do better.

In this way we will move from a position of fear to personal power as I have found your dreams are the foundation of success.

Do you feel you don't have a dream? Well, consider this. Every child has a dream - what posters did you have on your wall as a child? What did you want to be? Why is that not your dream now? Or maybe you achieved your dream. Congratulations.

I'll bet you do have a dream now though. Every parent has a dream of helping his or her child grow up in the best way. Every striking building was once a dream, every book was a dream, all those dating websites are full of people who have a dream to find a soul mate, every bored worker has a dream to be free, perhaps lying on a beach somewhere and every athlete has a dream to be world champion. Accept this - there are dreams all around us. Unfortunately it is not fashionable to talk, to think about your dreams.

That idea stops here. Find that dream for it is the fuel that will drive you towards success.

At the beginning of the movie 'Pretty Woman' a man crosses the street shouting: 'What is your dream? What is your dream? This is Hollywood, everyone has a dream.' Sorry, my friend, I believe everyone everywhere has a dream.

I realise everyone needs a desire, a hunger, to move on. This is what I have been lacking in my life. A strong enough dream gives you motivation to overcome any residual fears left we have left.

Last week I attended a business conference for Internet marketers and home business entrepreneurs. I met some highly motivated individuals and noticed (and I don't want to be racist here but the fact cannot be ignored) that nearly all the most motivated were from an immigrant background. Why is this?

The answer, I believe, comes down to hunger. In Britain particularly we have a welfare state, which will pay you if there is no other way for you to make money. Obviously this is marvellous if you are truly unable to earn an income. Unfortunately, we now have reached the position where some families find they are better off not working but living on state benefits. Connected with this is a memory of socialism, which leads to a general discouraging of innovation and wealth. I regret also the rise of the so called 'nanny state' where risk and individual decision-making are actively discouraged.

I have been influenced by this collective negative thinking myself and am appalled by the people I see every day who have no zest or confidence in their lives through being in the same position (or worse). Of course, this has left society exposed to the recession we now find ourselves in.

Billionaire Warren Buffett put it best, I think, when he recently observed "You never know who is swimming naked until the tide goes out."


If you find yourself in a similar position to me, then you might agree we need to re-establish the motivation, the desire of individuals. I now understand this starts with discovering our dreams.



Oh dear, I can hear you say, 'Dreams? We want concrete action to change our lives, not airy fairy dreams.' I know you said that because that is exactly what I said. However, reading and understanding the power of dreams has changed my mind.


I think someone else can explain this better.



The View of Wes Beavis


I turn to Wes Beavis, an Australian singer, speaker and author, writing in his introduction to his entertaining and essential book 'Become the Person You Dream of Being'.


"It seems almost a lifetime ago but I still remember my first grade teacher calling to me from the front of the classroom. It took me a while to register that someone was seeking my attention and of the many words she said to me all I can remember was 'stop dreaming and pay attention.' I did enjoy the occasional journey into the realm of fantasy. To be imagining myself as a fireman fighting the horrendous fire that was threatening the school or a policeman catching the robber was a much more exciting use of my mind at the time. From the tone of my teacher's voice, I got the impression that dreaming was something you were not supposed to do."


"So I grew up thinking that dreaming, apart from when you're sleeping, was an indication of a lazy mind. Try as I did to avoid it, however, I was always drawn to imagine myself in scenarios beyond present reality."


"It was not until years later that I understood the place and power of a dream. When reviewing the great events of my life and development, I discovered that they all began with a dream. The experience where the mind transcends the present and imagines something good becoming reality seemed to be at the start of every one of my noteworthy achievements."


"Somehow, and perhaps mysteriously, dreaming is the first step to releasing reality from the realm of potential. It can unlock desire that has been lying dormant. This dream induced desire can then set you on a course to becoming what you dream of being."


"When you think about your life ask yourself this question 'Is the world seeing the best of me?'"


"Maybe your answer to this is the cause of that niggling frustration that you have been carrying. Deep inside, you know that you have more to offer than what the world is currently seeing."


"Sometimes you catch yourself visualizing being someone greater. Have you noticed that when you come back to reality, the dream leaves you with a gnawing feeling that there is a greater you longing to emerge?"


"Therein lies the power of the dream. It beckons you to consider becoming someone greater. If you have a dream, you are poised for greatness. For the seed of greatness germinate in the dream."


Next week we will continue to look further into the significance of dreams and then start the all-important process of identifying our own dreams.


In the meantime, have a great week. With my greatest wishes,



Keith


http://www.keithbraithwaite.com/