Goals 3: Reach For The Stars And Avoid The Mud

Last week, we started to examine the required features needed for effective goals using the mnemonic 'SMART'.

This week I will complete the list ready to apply the rules to my own goals.



SMART: Goals Must Be MEASURABLE


How can we understand when we are getting close to the goal and indeed when we reach it?

One of my goals is to replace my conservatory on the house. But how do I know when I am safely able to do this? I could do it now, as long as I am willing to take out a loan for the full amount. That solution, however, does not agree with my values, which include financial discipline with no debt. Therefore my goal is to pay for the conservatory with cash.

This is why being specific about your goal on every detail is key. Monetary values are a very useful gauge of your goals. I asked a conservatory company to give me a quotation and they stated a cost of GBP16 000 for the job. My goal is now to raise this amount of money in order to replace my conservatory. A measurable goal.

The second advantage of this approach, by the way, is the salesman was also able to provide me with detailed features of the conservatory so I had a better picture of my goal too.


MyGoals.com says it well: "Your goals should be measurable and specific enough for you to know unambiguously whether they have been completed yet or not."

Bob Urichuck makes this observation in his blog: "One of my greatest lessons while working in sales is the discovery that we are constantly setting sales targets and objectives and being measured alongside them. This is a good practice and keeps us focused on our sales targets. Why not apply these same goal setting and monitoring strategies in our personal lives? Consequently, we can stay focused on our dreams and end up where we want to be."



Write Your Goals Down


Writing goals down somehow makes them more real and embeds them in your mind. It seems to me that this also helps you to plan your short term goals leading to the larger long term goals - and helps you measure your progress towards them.

Keeping your goals in front of you also seems to increase the chances of achieving them, so write them down and then put them where you can easily see them. Again, this is something we will refer to later, but find pictures that show the exact goal you want and put them where you can see them every day. The most popular place suggested seems to be on the refrigerator, but I think it is anywhere you will see it most often.

Bob Urichuck again: "Record keeping is important in goal setting. Writing down your goals and action plans represents a commitment. Otherwise you are merely wishful thinking. You can re-read and visualise written goals. They are credible and legitimate. They live and lead onward. When you write you have begun to act. Inertia is gone. You sense accomplishment already."

"Imagine your pencil, pen or keyboard is a magic wand and everything that you write down will become a reality. If it is not written down, it will not become a reality. Just the mere act of writing it down crystallises the dream."

Writing your goals down shows you are serious about achieving them. It helps you focus on them and starts the laws of nature working in your favour.

SMART: Goals Should Be ACHIEVABLE


Here we come to what I consider the most difficult aspect of goal setting. How do we know what is achievable? What is realistic?

MyGoals.com is helpful: "A goal is realistic if you stand reasonably good odds of accomplishing it, given enough time and effort - and, indeed, mountains can be moved if given enough time and effort."

"The majority of the goals you set should be very realistic or you risk becoming frustrated if you do not accomplish any of them. However, there is nothing wrong with attempting things that defy the odds or that you expect to be extremely difficult."

One of the skills that will probably be useful here is the including of small goals building up to the larger goals - baby steps, if you like.

For example, as I want GBP16 000 for a conservatory, I could set monthly goals to build the amount required by perhaps GBP1000 the first month, GBP2000 the second month and so on. Concentrate on the smaller goals and you may be amazed how easy it will be to hit the larger target.

I guess the ideal is to end up knowing every day what you need to do to achieve your goals.

Bob Urichuck : "Create a plan of action taking small steps to build and maintain a successful momentum. If your steps are too large, there is room in between to procrastinate. I recommend you take baby steps and allow for growth."

Zig Ziglar : "It is wiser to set the goal high but reachable."

MyGoals.com puts it well again: "it's worth noting that many of life's most difficult accomplishments are also some of the most worthwhile...if something were easy, then everyone would be doing it and it would no longer be very noteworthy."



How Can We Achieve Our Goals?

As mentioned in the blogs on Dreams, when you set the goal, life will provide the method to achieve it. It is a strange fact of life but if you focus on a goal, the 'how' will appear.

Jim Rohn : "Reasons come first, answers second."

The answers seem to appear to those who have the inspiration to look for them.

"When you know what you want and you want it badly enough, you'll find a way to get it."

Maxwell Maltz in his fascinating book, 'Psycho-Cybernetics' tells us: "It is the function of the automatic mechanism to supply the 'means whereby' when you supply the goal. Think in terms of the end result, and the means whereby will often take care of themselves."

The truth is, your abilities will grow as you pursue and achieve your goals. It seems you will be more fulfilled, motivated, inspired and, dare I say, happy the more you chase your goals.

Jim Rohn : "Your abilities will grow. You'll draw on untapped potential and talents you never know existed."


There are ways we can help the process, however.


Be Prepared To Pay The Price


To achieve anything worthwhile you need to pay the price.

On occasions, you may even need to temporarily sacrifice the very thing you are aiming for in order to achieve it - another paradox.

For example, to earn extra money, you may need to initially invest money or to spend more time with your family, you may have to spend less time with them whilst you work for your goal. In that last example, you may find you can be smart and include your family in your goal setting so they become your greatest helpers or supporters.

To prevent becoming disillusioned when effort is needed, it might not be a bad idea to understand the price that needs to be paid before setting the goal.

Bob Urichuck : "The price has to be identified before the goal is set. The price could be in the form of money, but can also be other things as well. It could require additional education, a change in habits or require more effort, or time, than what you are normally used to."

Keep It Simple, Sunshine


MyGoals.com : "It is better to keep your number of goals down to a manageable amount."

Keep the number of goals you are working on at any one time at a minimum so you can concentrate or focus on one at a time and you will not get overwhelmed.


Perseverance Is Key


Your goals will be achieved with dogged determination. Do something every day towards your goal and this will keep you focused. Discipline is key.

Bob Urichuck : "Stick to your plan and do what you have to do, even when you don't want to do it. Discipline is the key to your success and to achieving your goals. It is a commitment to the most important person in the world."

We will talk more about discipline and persistence later.



Don't Do It Alone


Again, we will refer to this later but it is easier to chase your goals when you are in the company of like-minded people who have high expectations of you (not the plonkers who wouldn't recognise a goal if they fell over it).

If you know people like this and you can spend time with them, fantastic. However, this may not always be easy. If you have the time, ideally, you may pull a group of people together and meet maybe once a month to discuss your goals. This will make you accountable to them and give you an extra reason to chase your targets.

At the very least you could read books, listen to cds or watch DVDs from people who are a positive influence on your attitude to goals. Okay, I have a vested interest but Success University is a source of such material, but there are other such bodies, including Amazon of course.

Otherwise, there are plenty of online groups and forums to help you, including Horatios Dreaming (one of mine again).





SMART: Goals Should Be RELEVANT


You goals must be relevant to YOU and nobody else. They have to be selfish for them to work. If you had a goal to satisfy someone else, the moment your relationship with them deteriorates, the goal becomes irrelevant. Never set a goal for someone else.

This also refers back to our values as discussed in the Dreams blog. Our goals must be relevant to what we consider important in life. I have already referred to this when I talked about my goals to replace my conservatory - my value there was financial discipline.

Your goals must not clash with other goals either. If you want to leave work, you obviously cannot also have a goal to be promoted at work.

Bob Urichuck : "Our goals guide our actions and help us plan at work and at home. When we focus on our goals (resolutions), our present is determined by our future...not our past. Keep in mind that your resolutions (goals) are an extension of your values."

This is a short section, but the last thought is from MyGoals.com :

"The more fully you understand why you want something, the more motivated you will be to keep working at it until you have accomplished it."

SMART: Goals Need To Have A TIMETABLE



For a goal to work it needs a deadline or you will be able to delay its attainment.

We have decided where we want to go now we need to define when we want to get there.

Again, you need to be honest with yourself in deciding the best time frame. Give yourself time and examine your feelings to understand what you know to be achievable. Bear in mind you will need to balance goals in different areas of your life (career, family, sport etc.) so you need to keep the whole picture in mind.


Long Term And Short Term Goals


You should by now have a detailed list of dreams you want to achieve.

Jim Rohn suggests writing next to each goal the number of years you expect it will take to achieve it (use 1 year, 3 years, 5 years and 10 years).

Check you have a balance between long term and shorter-term goals. If you have too many shorter-term goals then maybe you are not dreaming big enough. If you have too many long-term goals then either you need to look for shorter-term goals or examine what 'baby step' goals you can set to drive you towards the larger goals.

I know we have discussed the idea of 'baby step' goals before but this passage from MyGoals.com might help:

"Almost any goal, no matter how difficult, can be made easier by breaking it down into several smaller goals, to be tackled one at a time. The completion of so-called 'baby steps' is one of the best ways to build confidence, momentum and a track record of performance."

An example here is if you had a goals to be an internationally renowned concert pianist and yet you can only play 'Chopsticks' now. Clearly you could not achieve your goal tomorrow but you could in five years. In the intervening period you could get smaller 'baby step' goals such as 'find a top piano teacher','get my piano exams','play in the local community centre,' and so on.

Such smaller goals leading to the larger goals prevent you from neglecting your goals, as the excitement builds, otherwise you will find, as the elephant keeper did, the work will start to pile up.


Now pick out four of your goals you feel are the most important from each time category. For each write:

1. A detailed description of the goal (include the five senses again)

2. The reasons why you want it.

You may now find you do not really want the goal after this. That's okay: find another one that is important to you.

If you struggle with this, Bob Urichuck includes an excellent 'Goal Log' to help you.

Achieve and Reward


As you plan your goals, ensure you include both a method to track your progress towards your goals and a reward for achieving each goal.


For a reward, think of something you enjoy you can treat yourself to celebrate your success. Maybe it could be a trip to the cinema, a DVD you have always wanted, a meal in a restaurant, or even a restful evening at home. It must be something that will be a delight to you to say 'I have achieved something.'

It does not need to be expensive; you don't want the pleasure of your success tainted by guilt!

Also you should have the discipline of 'delayed gratification.' If you have promised yourself perhaps a new coat if you achieve a goal DO NOT buy it until you have achieved the goal and it will feel so much sweeter and the whole process much more fun.

Jim Rohn reminds us that goal setting is a continual, life-long process and we should review our goals and progress weekly. If you have them in front of you all the time then this should not be at all difficult.

Just think how good you would feel if you could see how you are progressing through your goals!


Bob Urichuck : "You need to measure and monitor your progress on an ongoing basis. Without some form of monitoring you will not be able to recognize your progress and reward yourself accordingly."



Conclusion


"It's exciting to know that as long as you're reaching for the stars you won't end up with a handful of mud. You need to see life as something big and exciting and your goals as big ones."

Zig Ziglar


It is clear now how important goals are in giving us direction, a purpose, in life and in helping us to decide what we should be doing at any one time.

Goals help with time management too: if you have your goals in front of you and you are moving forward, you will have a better grasp of your time.

Zig Ziglar again: "Time can be an ally or an enemy. What is becomes depends entirely upon you, your goals and your determination to use every available minute."

"Killing time is not murder - it's suicide."

There is no doubt that goals can change your life massively.

I just want to make a comment on the possibility of failure here. If you do not achieve your goal in the time allotted, reset the goal and move on. You only fail if you stop trying. You will know if you have put the effort in and, if you feel you haven't, then the answer is clear: if you want to improve your life, immerse yourself in your goals and pursue them with everything you have.

This has been a long blog this week and I apologise for that. Next week (gulp) I will present the results of applying all this to my own goals. I hope you will have a go yourself.

In the meantime, my very best wishes for great week.


Keith


http://www.keithbraithwaite.com/

Fear 3: Be Careful Darling

Last week we discussed the breakdown of fear using the guide of Napoleon Hill's great book, 'Think and Grow Rich'. Somehow though I felt we hadn't found the whole picture so this week I will expand on this using some other sources and set this blog up so next week we can finally set about defeating fear before we move on.


Before we do, I would like to quote two passages I have found in a fascinating book about the attitudes of sports stars: this book is called 'Mind Games' by Jeff Grout and Sarah Perrin (http://eu.wiley.com).


The first is from the former boss of the McLaren Formula One racing team, Ron Dennis:


"How often do you go through life avoiding decisions because you can't contemplate the potential of failure? Lots of people don't get married because of it. Lots of people carry lots of insecurities. It holds them back in their lives."


The second passage, well, two passages, is from former Olympic runner, Roger Black about 1993, an uncertain year for him:


"My career seemed to be nearly over, and as a person I was all over the place. Everything was a struggle. I picked up a simple book and it had a graph in it showing need for achievement and fear of failure. I looked at it and thought, 'that's me. I'm scared of failure.'"


He decided to address this fear and realised:


"I could lose all my money, I could lose my house. But I can't fail, because there is no such thing as failure. If you are an athlete or whatever you do, the worst thing is to be afraid of failure."


But, wait, is fear such a bad thing? Sometimes controlled fear is positive.



The Positive Side of Fear



I know I am taking a side turning for a moment, but I have discovered fear can be used in a constructive way - especially the fear of failure.



Ron Dennis again:



"The gratification of success is easily matched by the pain of failure. Whilst you would initially think the biggest driver is the search for the rush of success, it doesn't drive you as much as the fear of failure. I feel psychological pain in failure, and it's a great motivator."



Clive Woodward, the coach of the World Cup winning England rugby team:



"The biggest thing, especially with the Six Nations, is that you've got to create a fear factor - a respect factor. In some games it's not difficult; if we are playing a team we can clearly lose to, the fear factor is there. The difficult games are against teams we know we can lose to, but know we should really beat - so you have to create this fear factor. That's why we tend to play better against the bigger teams - we tend to play better when there's something at stake."



And finally, one of my heroines, the fastest round the world yachtswoman, Ellen MacArthur talking about the tough Vendee Globe race:


"With a project like the Vendee, I'm not just doing it for me. A huge amount of energy and commitment goes into preparing a race like that. There are so many people who prepared the boat and who are working every day communicating with you. There's all that energy behind you and it's not up to you to give in. You're damn well going to hang on in there and not let anyone down. Probably fear of failure is one of the biggest motivators - not wanting to let people down."



Anyway, I digress. Time to move back to an analysis of fear.








Back to an Analysis of Fear



I will just stick with the world of sport and the 'Mind Games' book for an analysis of fear from the Olympic coach, Frank Dick:



"Former national athletics coach Frank Dick believes there are four fears that can seriously impede a sportsperson. These are fear of losing, fear of making a mistake, fear of rejection and fear of embarrassment. Fear of losing is like thinking about drowning when you should be thinking about swimming. Worrying about mistakes means you don't take risks, and that means no progress. Fear of rejection, in terms of not being selected, again leads to playing safe as does fear of embarrassment or being concerned about what people think. Dick calls these 'fatal fears' because they take people back off the edge. Champions have to want to live on the edge; they have go to be comfortable being there."



That passage strikes a chord with me. Too often my fears make me back down (from 'the edge') and are encompassed in all four fears Dick describes. Ouch. But can we not break the fears down more specifically and then define fear in one passage we can then attack?



Let's at last turn to what may be the definitive book on the subject. In fact, the very title may give us the answer we need: 'Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway' by Susan Jeffers (www.susanjeffers.com).



I would like to start as she does on page 3 of the book:



"What is it for you?



Fear of...
Public Speaking
Asserting yourself
Making decisions
Intimacy
Changing jobs
Being alone
Aging
Driving
Losing a loved one
Ending a relationship?"



"Is it some of the above? All of the above? Perhaps you could add a few more to the list. Never mind...join the crowd! Fear seems to be epidemic in our society. We fear beginnings; we fear endings. We fear changing; we fear 'staying stuck'. We fear success; we fear failure. We fear living; we fear dying."


"I believe it is primarily an education problem, and that by re-educating the mind, you can accept fear as simply a fact of life rather than a barrier to success (this should be a relief to all of you out there who have been wondering 'What's wrong with me?')."


"No matter what degree of insecurity you are feeling, a part of you knows there is a lot of wonderful 'stuff' within you just waiting to be let out and NOW is the perfect time for opening the door to the power and love within."


Susan Jeffers believes fear can be broken down into three levels with level one being the most shallow, surface fears.









You can easily add more to this list or delete those that do not relate to you.



Also one fear can lead to another. For example, if you fear making new friends, then going to parties or intimacy may well make you afraid.



Now the level 1 fears can then be grouped into a smaller layer of fears at level 2.


Level 2 fears are to do with the inner state of mind the level 1 fears produce.







These explain why generalised fears exist. For example, if you are afraid of rejection, it will affect every part of your life - all relationships, job interviews, business activities and so on. Then you start to shut out the world.



The level 2 fears will all affect many areas of your life.



Okay, so we have whittled down the Level 1 fears to Level 2, but can we define fears in one line? Susan Jeffers believes we can.






"At the bottom of every one of your fears is simply the fear that you can't handle whatever life may bring you."


"If you knew you could handle anything that came your way, what would you possibly have to fear?"



Ah-ha! This makes sense to me. In every situation where I have been fearful, I can see it was simply a fear that I could not handle what was happening.



For example, last week we talked about the fear of criticism, which is really the fear of not being able to handle criticism. My fear of talking to strangers is no more than a fear I might not be able to handle talking to strangers. There are projects I have procrastinated over as I am frightened I could not handle the challenges such projects present. Surely if I could feel I COULD handle any situation, then I could handle my fears.



I am now confident we are on the way to confronting and defeating these fears.


Before we move on to tackling our fears, it might be useful to understand why we have so little trust in ourselves. I will refer to Susan Jeffers again.



Now, some fear is constructive and probably comes from a survival instinct inherited from our ancesters but there are learned fears we could do without. Where did they come from?



Last week, we already mentioned the role of the media in conditioning fears but maybe some are also learned from the well-intentioned comments from our mothers. Were you ever told 'be careful, darling'? The mind translates this into 'be careful as I am not confident you can handle your life alone.' Be positive. The true meaning is more likely 'be careful because I could not handle it if anything happened to you' - which is nice. In future, see it as an indication of how much they care for you.



In my case, I also know there have been too many people who don't want me to do better than them and so criticise me to pull me back (remember the crab pot analogy last week?): 'Who do you think you are?' 'Don't bother, you will never manage that.' 'You will get ripped off.'



This blog is here to counteract these comments.



One last quote from Susan Jeffers:



"It is often impossible to figure out what the actual causes of negative patterns are, and even is we did know, the knowing doesn't necessarily change them. I believe that if something is troubling you, simply start from where you are and take the action necessary to change it."



Thank you, Susan, we certainly will - next week.



Have a wonderful week and look out for the next blog.



With my very best wishes,



Keith




http://www.keithbraithwaite.com/

Fear 1: Fear Is All Around

Week One - 1st February 2009


It may seem strange to start a self-development blog by discussing fear. However, looking back at my life so far, I believe various forms of fear have prevented me achieving much of what I wanted.

These include (a few that I can think of now); a fear of going to hospital, a fear of speaking in public, a fear of ringing tradespeople, a fear of undertaking a long journey, a fear of speaking to strangers, a fear of telephoning friends, a fear of progressing relationships, a fear of starting a difficult project, a fear of talking to people I perceive as superior to me in some way, a fear of going to work, and, yes, a fear of writing this blog.

Interestingly, I have noticed the more I give into fear, the more fears I develop; indeed, I can imagine feeding fears enough could lead to full blown phobias.

To prevent fear obstructing the purpose of this blog, I want to tackle it straight away.

Whilst researching this subject, I have become more and more amazed how much fear there is in the world.

Have you ever been told (as I have) that fear 'is only in the mind'?

That may be so, but its effects are very real and widespread.

Governments rule by fear, companies market through fear (insurance companies in particular: 'what would happen if.....?') and I am increasingly convinced that many of the negative and destructive deeds committed in this world are created by fear. The media have a lot to answer for in this respect. Now I enjoy nights as much as days and yet so often I have come across adults who are afraid of the dark. Why? Well, look at the passion for horror movies and the hunger of newspapers for lovely stories of dreadful crimes for much of the cause.

An example of such orchestrated, blind fear was presented to me a couple of years ago. In 2000/2001 a national newspaper whipped up a frenzy over the identities of suspected paedophiles. Now, I as much as anybody have no sympathy for these dreadful criminals but see what happened. Residents of the Paulsgrove estate in Portsmouth, Hampshire caused riots and virtual lynch mobs against local suspects. Some time later, however, one of the local residents told me that one of the mobs' targets turned out not to be a paedophile but a paediatrician at the local hospital. I understand this mistake was also made elsewhere.

Fear must also prevent the majority of people from achieving their potential in life. Fear creates procrastination, makes projects seem unachievable and so leads to the abandonment of dreams. It causes a loss of confidence. Fear is also largely responsible for economic recessions.




"Let me assert my firm belief that the only thing we have to fear is fear itself - nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance."

Franklin D. Roosevelt in his inaugural address, 4 March 1933



"Death is not the biggest fear we have; our biggest fear is taking the risk to be alive, the risk to be alive and express what we really are."

Don Miguel Ruiz



Next week I will dive in and attempt to identify the types of fears and apply the classification to my life. Later in the month I will move on to overcoming fears.

In the meantime, can you think of any fears that might hold you back from what you want in life?


Until next week, you have my greatest wishes,


Keith Braithwaite



http://www.keithbraithwaite.com/