Dreams 1: Any Dream Will Do

In the last set of blogs, we looked at Fear and how to overcome it. This time, we move on to a study of dreams. I will try to find my dreams and, at the same time, I hope we can identify yours too, your motivation to do better.

In this way we will move from a position of fear to personal power as I have found your dreams are the foundation of success.

Do you feel you don't have a dream? Well, consider this. Every child has a dream - what posters did you have on your wall as a child? What did you want to be? Why is that not your dream now? Or maybe you achieved your dream. Congratulations.

I'll bet you do have a dream now though. Every parent has a dream of helping his or her child grow up in the best way. Every striking building was once a dream, every book was a dream, all those dating websites are full of people who have a dream to find a soul mate, every bored worker has a dream to be free, perhaps lying on a beach somewhere and every athlete has a dream to be world champion. Accept this - there are dreams all around us. Unfortunately it is not fashionable to talk, to think about your dreams.

That idea stops here. Find that dream for it is the fuel that will drive you towards success.

At the beginning of the movie 'Pretty Woman' a man crosses the street shouting: 'What is your dream? What is your dream? This is Hollywood, everyone has a dream.' Sorry, my friend, I believe everyone everywhere has a dream.

I realise everyone needs a desire, a hunger, to move on. This is what I have been lacking in my life. A strong enough dream gives you motivation to overcome any residual fears left we have left.

Last week I attended a business conference for Internet marketers and home business entrepreneurs. I met some highly motivated individuals and noticed (and I don't want to be racist here but the fact cannot be ignored) that nearly all the most motivated were from an immigrant background. Why is this?

The answer, I believe, comes down to hunger. In Britain particularly we have a welfare state, which will pay you if there is no other way for you to make money. Obviously this is marvellous if you are truly unable to earn an income. Unfortunately, we now have reached the position where some families find they are better off not working but living on state benefits. Connected with this is a memory of socialism, which leads to a general discouraging of innovation and wealth. I regret also the rise of the so called 'nanny state' where risk and individual decision-making are actively discouraged.

I have been influenced by this collective negative thinking myself and am appalled by the people I see every day who have no zest or confidence in their lives through being in the same position (or worse). Of course, this has left society exposed to the recession we now find ourselves in.

Billionaire Warren Buffett put it best, I think, when he recently observed "You never know who is swimming naked until the tide goes out."


If you find yourself in a similar position to me, then you might agree we need to re-establish the motivation, the desire of individuals. I now understand this starts with discovering our dreams.



Oh dear, I can hear you say, 'Dreams? We want concrete action to change our lives, not airy fairy dreams.' I know you said that because that is exactly what I said. However, reading and understanding the power of dreams has changed my mind.


I think someone else can explain this better.



The View of Wes Beavis


I turn to Wes Beavis, an Australian singer, speaker and author, writing in his introduction to his entertaining and essential book 'Become the Person You Dream of Being'.


"It seems almost a lifetime ago but I still remember my first grade teacher calling to me from the front of the classroom. It took me a while to register that someone was seeking my attention and of the many words she said to me all I can remember was 'stop dreaming and pay attention.' I did enjoy the occasional journey into the realm of fantasy. To be imagining myself as a fireman fighting the horrendous fire that was threatening the school or a policeman catching the robber was a much more exciting use of my mind at the time. From the tone of my teacher's voice, I got the impression that dreaming was something you were not supposed to do."


"So I grew up thinking that dreaming, apart from when you're sleeping, was an indication of a lazy mind. Try as I did to avoid it, however, I was always drawn to imagine myself in scenarios beyond present reality."


"It was not until years later that I understood the place and power of a dream. When reviewing the great events of my life and development, I discovered that they all began with a dream. The experience where the mind transcends the present and imagines something good becoming reality seemed to be at the start of every one of my noteworthy achievements."


"Somehow, and perhaps mysteriously, dreaming is the first step to releasing reality from the realm of potential. It can unlock desire that has been lying dormant. This dream induced desire can then set you on a course to becoming what you dream of being."


"When you think about your life ask yourself this question 'Is the world seeing the best of me?'"


"Maybe your answer to this is the cause of that niggling frustration that you have been carrying. Deep inside, you know that you have more to offer than what the world is currently seeing."


"Sometimes you catch yourself visualizing being someone greater. Have you noticed that when you come back to reality, the dream leaves you with a gnawing feeling that there is a greater you longing to emerge?"


"Therein lies the power of the dream. It beckons you to consider becoming someone greater. If you have a dream, you are poised for greatness. For the seed of greatness germinate in the dream."


Next week we will continue to look further into the significance of dreams and then start the all-important process of identifying our own dreams.


In the meantime, have a great week. With my greatest wishes,



Keith


http://www.keithbraithwaite.com/

Fear 2: What Are You Afraid Of?

In his classic book 'Think And Grow Rich', Napoleon Hill talks of the danger presented by fear and states, "before we can master an enemy, we must know its name, its habits, and its place of abode."

This is the purpose of this week's blog: to indentify and classify the fears in readiness to eliminate them. I will apply them to myself and invite you to use this blog to deeply examine yourself to see if these fears apply to you.

I will start with Napoleon Hill's breakdown of the fears.

He lists six types of fear in order of their popularity (starting with the most common):

Poverty

Criticism

Ill Health

Lost Love

Old Age

Death

1. The Fear of Poverty

This is born of the mistaken belief that wealth is limited and if one person wins, someone else must lose. In truth (as Napoleon Hill puts it), "we live in a world of overabundance of everything the heart could desire, with nothing standing between us and our desires, excepting a lack of a definite purpose."

These are the symptoms of the fear of poverty he sets out:

An indifference: a lack of ambition, laziness, an acceptance of whatever mediocre rewards are offered, a lack of initiative, imagination, enthusiasm, and self-control.

Indecision: letting others make your decisions, not thinking for yourself.

Doubt: excuses are made for the failure to move forward, envy of those who are successful.

Worry: resulting in an over use of alcohol or drugs, neglect of personal apprearance, nervousness, self-consciousness, bad body language, criticising others and bad financial discipline - 'retail therapy'.

Over caution: thinking negatively (looking for the bad in every situation), pessimism, leading to bad physical effects (indigestion, bad breath).

Procrastination: putting off jobs until tomorrow (and tomorrow never comes). Often the time taken to think up excuses could have been used to complete the project.

A refusal to accept responsibility and a willingness to compromise too readily.

Bargaining for small rewards (union pay negotiations?) and compromising to reduce difficulties rather than dealing with them head on.

These people will seek the company of others who accept poverty to reduce the pressure on them to confront their fear.

I can recognise myself in many of these symptoms; I have been terribly prone to procrastination as a result of a fear of facing up to the possibility of mediocrity. I suppose this could also be seen as a fear of failure so as I don't begin, I can't fail (although I forget that doing nothing could be seen as failure too).

Such inaction does lead to excuses as to why I have done nothing and then a poor self-image, as I know in my heart that I have let myself down. In an attempt to bolster my self-esteem, I have then associated with people no more successful than myself (fortunately, I do have some other, true friends who I can now perceive as more successful).

2. The Fear of Criticism

I think this might now be a more important fear in modern times.

Too many people are ready to criticise others and the advent of modern mass media makes it easier for that criticism to be heard.

This makes it less likely for an individual to step out of line for fear of falling victim to such criticism: thay would be more likely to stay within their own comfort zone.

I have heard an analogy made with crab or lobster fishing. I am no expert myself, but understand the crab pots work because any such creature caught in the traps which attempts to escape is dragged back down by other crustacea in the same trap. I'm afraid human beings are much the same. The only difference is our shells are thinner. If one person attempts to be successful, all too often others will be ready to pull him or her down.

One of the intended themes of this blog is to encourage less criticism and more, well, encouragement. 'You can do it' because, frankly, you can.

I suppose under the fear of criticism you could include the fear of public speaking and stage fright.

Once again, I turn to Napoleon Hill for the symptoms of the fear of criticism:

Self-consciousness: nervousness, timidity in conversation and meeting strangers.

A lack of poise: nervous in the presence of others, poor body language, poor memory.

A weak personality: a lack in firmness of decision, charm and ability to express definite opinions.

An inferiority complex: using big words (often not knowing what they mean), boasting of imaginary achievements, imitating others in dress, speech and manners.

Sometimes this compensation leads to the impression that a person considers himself or herself superior to you. No, they are simply overcompensating for a raging inferiority complex.

Extravagance: 'keeping up with the Joneses', spending beyond ones income.

A lack of ambition: laziness, too easily influenced, criticising people behind their backs and flattering them to their face, quitting an undertaking as soon as it is opposed by others, afraid of making decisions, lack of tact in manner and speech, unable to accept blame.

Ah, how common is the fear of criticism.Too often I have also procrastinated as a result of being afraid of possible criticism of what I do. I have frequently given up an undertaking after criticism by someone - even though that person has less knowledge of the matter than I have.

Giving into this fear has eroded my confidence leading to a feeling of inferiority and a reduced ability to deal with others. All too often I have given the opinions of other people more weight than my own.

To me, this has been the most destructive fear, leading to my acceptance of mediocrity rather than breaking out to achieve my potential.

3. The Fear of Ill Health

Napoleon Hill states that 75% of people who visit physicians are suffering from hypochondria (imaginery illness). I suspect the figure may be much higher now.

We will talk about the power of the mind later but it seems clear that preoccupation with an illness can reproduce the symptoms of that condition.

Napoleon Hill again: "Powerful and mighty is the human mind! It builds or it destroys."

Drugs companies have made fortunes playing on this fear and then providing the 'cure'.

"There is overwhelming evidence that disease sometimes begins in the form of a negative thought impulse. Such an impulse may be passed from one mind to another by suggestion, or created by an individual in his own mind."

The symptoms of a fear of ill health:

Autosuggestion: looking for and expecting to find symptoms of illness, enjoying imaginary illnesses, trying all fad medicines, remedies and diets, regularly talking about illnesses.

Hypochondria: talking about and concentrating the mind upon an illness until it appears. This is nothing more than negative thinking.

Indolence: ironically this fear prevents a person having a healthy outdoor life.

Susceptability: the fear breaks down the body's immune system and opens the person to disease.

Self-coddling: using imaginary illness to gain sympathy (and gain attention) as an excuse for laziness or a lack of ambition.

Intemperance: using alcohol or narcotics to deal with the symptoms rather than attacking the cause.

Worry: reading about an illness and worrying about catching it. Advertising of course does not help.

4. The Fear of a Loss of Love

A very painful fear, which concerns jealousy and the fear of a partner being tempted away.

It seems women are more susceptible to this as men are perceived as polygamous and so less trustworthy. I consider this is more likely to be present when the partner is considered to be more attractive (and therefore at greater risk) and if the person with the fear has a low self-esteem.

The symptoms of a fear of a loss of love are:

Jealousy: suspicion of those close to you with no evidence, false accusations, faith in no one. Of course, in its extreme, such a fear could actually drive a partner away.

Faultfinding: finding fault with everyone with whom you have contact with no cause whatsoever.

Gambling: the mistaken belief that love can be bought and financing this through gambling, stealing, cheating, over spending and incurring debts. This in turn leads to insomnia, nervousness, weakness of will, bad temper.

5. The Fear of Old Age and the Fear of Death

I have combined the last two fears as there are obvious similarities between them.

These fears include a fear of reducing abilities (including sexual), a loss of freedom and independence and of poverty.

Both old age and death bring with them the fear that others might move in and seize your material goods and wealth.

Much of the fear comes from a lack of understanding of what happens when we die. This has been used to the advantage of some religious leaders in the past, threatening terrible consequences after death. Indeed this ignorance has been demonstrated by terrorists preaching the reverse situation to young men to encourage them to become suicide bombers and embrace the rewards available after death.

I suspect the idea of eternal damnation and fire and brimstone still features in the subconscious of many people.

I think fear has to arise in most of life's major changes.

Once again, though, the media have their responsibility for these fears. Advertisements are common for funeral plans, saving for your 'old age', life assurance and a huge array of medicines and mechanical aids to help you cope with your 'declining years'. The newspapers, magazines, radio and television all portray older people as decrepit, losing their independence and requiring sympathy.

These fears are, not suprisingly, allied to the fear of ill health.

The symptoms that show a fear of old age:

Premature slowdown: slowing down after the age of 40 (the age of mental maturity), feeling inferior because you are 'old'.

Apology for one's age, for being 'old'.

Killing off initiative: believing oneself unable to show imagination and self-reliance.

Masquerading as a younger person: this only inspires ridicule from other people - a 'mid-life crisis' can be included here.

The symptoms that show the fear of death:

Thinking about dying instead of making the most out of life. This is usually as a result of a lack of purpose or meaningful activity.

Am association with the fear of poverty either in one's own life or in the lives of loved ones after your death.

There is an association with illness or imbalance, which can lead to mental depression. I would add that this would also occur if you felt you had not achieved all you wanted in life or you had fallen short in some way.

Conclusion

This week I have attempted to explain much of the causes of fear but I feel this has not yet been comprehensive enough. I don't think I have yet quite fully explained why people (like myself) are slow to break out of their comfort zone - to make the most of themselves.

I hope I have, nonetheless, given you something to think about.

Next week, I will explore fear a little more and hope to complete our understanding of the causes. Once I have done that, the following week I will look at how to overcome fear.

Have a good week, and I send out my very best wishes to you.

Keith Braithwaite

http://www.keithbraithwaite.com/