Fear 4: I Can Handle My Fears

"To be for ever wallowing in the bogs of doubt, to be drawn continually into the quicksands of fear, or blown ceaselessly about by the winds of anxiety, is to be a slave, and to live the life of a slave, even though success and influence be for ever knocking at your door seeking for admittance."

"To overcome these negative conditions is to enter into a life of power, is to cease to be a slave, and to become a master, and there is only one way by which they can be overcome, and that is by steady and persistent growth in inward knowledge."James Allen (The Path of Prosperity)


For the last few weeks we have been investigating the nature of fear and attempting to understand our own fears prior to setting out on a journey to success.


This week I will set out the ways of overcoming fear sufficient to start becoming the people we want to become.


The first source I have consulted is another classic book - 'The Magic of Thinking Big' by David J. Schwartz.


In this book Schwartz tells us that the opposite of fear, and therefore the antidote to fear, is courage and confidence.


"All confidence is acquired and developed. No one is born with confidence. Those people who radiate confidence, who are at ease everywhere, and all the time, acquired their confidence by training themselves to it."


Ah, so we have to acquire confidence? How do we do that then?


"Action cures fear. Indecision, postponement on the other hand, fertilise fear."


"ACTION CURES FEAR."


"When we face tough problems we stay in the mud until we take action. Hope is a start. But hope is a start. But hope needs action to win victories."


"Put the action principle to work. Next time you experience big fear or little fear, steady yourself. Then search for and answer this question: What kind of action can I take to conquer fear?"


How to tackle your fears:


"1. Isolate your fear. Pin it down. Determine exactly what you are afraid of.
2. Then take action. There is some kind of action for any kind of fear."


Here are some examples of fear and the appropriate action to take:







And remember, hesitation only enlarges, magnifies the fear. Take action promptly. Be decisive.


Susan Jeffers agrees in her book 'Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway:'


"We can't escape fear. We can only transform it into a companion that accompanies us in all our exciting adventures; it is not an anchor holding us transfixed in one spot. Some people have told me they are never afraid, but when I question them, they reveal we are just differing on semantics. Yes, they feel nervous or anxious sometimes - they simply never labelled it fear."


She says "All you have to do to diminish your fear is to develop more trust in your ability to handle whatever comes your way."


We are potentially more than capable to surmount fear (more about this in a moment) but Susan Jeffers lists five truths that will set us up to do this:


TRUTH 1. The fear will never go away as long as I continue to grow.


"As long as I continued to push out into the world, as long as I continued to take new risks in making my dreams come true. I was going to experience fear."


So fear can be a good sign: it shows you are moving forward, breaking new ground. But it means you will never eradicate fear, just manage it as it emerges.


TRUTH 2. The only way to get rid of the fear of doing something is to go out and do it.


Ah, so again, 'Action Cures Fear'; have faith in yourself and leap.







The key to taking action is the sense of accomplishment you feel when you push through fear and realise you have done something for yourself.



TRUTH 3. The only way to feel better about myself is to go out...and do it.



"The 'doing it' comes BEFORE the feeling better about yourself. When you make something happen, not only does the fear of the situation go away, but also you get a big bonus: you do a lot toward building your self-confidence. It's fairly predictable, however, that when you've finally mastered something and gotten rid of the fear, it will feel so good you will decide there is something else out there you want to accomplish, and - guess what! The fear begins again as you prepare to meet a new challenge."



TRUTH 4. Not only am I going to experience fear whenever I'm on unfamiliar territory, but so is everyone else.


"You mean all those people out there that I've been envying because they're not afraid to move ahead with their lives have really been afraid? Why didn't somebody tell me!?"


That's it. Boy, is it a relief to know everyone else has fears too?



TRUTH 5. Pushing through fear is less frightening than living with the underlying fear that comes from a feeling of helplessness.


Now, that strikes a chord with me. Avoiding fear has lead to frustration that I have not moved on.


"The more helpless we feel, the more severe is the undercurrent of dread that comes with knowing there are situations in life over which we have no control."


"People who refuse to take risks live with a feeling of dread that is far more severe than what they would feel if they took the risks necessary to make them less helpless - only they don't know it!"


Just 'Feel the Fear - and Do It Anyway'.


David Schwartz again:

"Let's face it squarely. Everyone encounters plenty of unpleasant, embarrassing, and discouraging situations. But unsuccessful and successful people deal with these situations in directly opposite ways. Unsuccessful people take them to heart, so to speak. They dwell on the unpleasant situations, thereby giving them a good start in their memory. They don't take their minds away from them. At night the unpleasant situation is the last thing they think about."



"Confident, successful people, on the other hand, 'don't give it another thought.' Successful people specialize in putting positive thoughts into their memory banks."


"What kind of performance would your car deliver if every morning before you left for work you scooped up a double handful of dirt and put it in your crankcase? That fine engine would soon be a mess, unable to do what you want it to do. Negative, unpleasant thoughts deposited in your mind affect your mind the same way. Negative thoughts produce needless wear and tear on your mental motor. They create worry, frustration, and feelings of inferiority. They put you beside the road while others drive ahead."


Maybe use those moments when your mind is most receptive - normally last thing at night and first thing in the morning - to count your blessings, the things you have to be thankful for, and recall the good things you have seen or experienced. Think of any small victories you achieved recently, any accomplishments and any reasons you have to feel good to be alive. I have tried doing this myself and I do feel better about myself as a result.


Be careful to work to erase negative thoughts (it will take persistence initially) because (as David Schwartz says):


"It is clear that any negative thought, if fertilized with repeated recall, can develop into a real mind monster, breaking down confidence and paving the way to serious psychological difficulties."


One thing I have discovered from Schwartz's book is it is important to put other people in a proper perspective. This is something with which I certainly struggled.


Every human being is important, but then, so are you.


If you doubt this, here is something I have recently discovered. Try this for me now.


Lift your hand level with your face. Wiggle your fingers around and look at them as you do so. Look carefully how they operate. Could you build a similar mechanism? No, I didn't think so.


Now consider the workings of your brain, eyes, mouth, legs, and arms - indeed the whole of your body. Now realise what a wonderful thing you are. I don't care who you are, how you may differ physically, you are an incredible creation.



Like all the other subjects we will cover in our journey to success in this blog, we will come across this in other topics later - they are all inter-related - but we must understand what a wonderful miracle we truly are and how important it is to make the most of ourselves.


I have written a separate article entitled 'Man In The Image of God' . I recommend you read it as I think it is making a big difference to my way of thinking.


Later in the blogs I will return to this subject, but for now all we need to understand is we have all we require within us to conquer fear.


Specific Techniques to Control Fear


David Schwartz does, however, suggest some techniques to help us deal with fear.


If you feel inferior to someone:


"The other fellow might look frightfully big, frightfully important. But remember, he is still a human being with essentially the same interests, desires and problems as you" and, in truth, he is probably more preoccupied with himself (or herself) than he is with you.



Other ideas:



To Think Confidently, Act Confidently.



"Confident action produces confident thinking."


At a meeting of conference, make the effort to sit at the front. You will feel more involved and therefore more confident.


Of course, you will feel more conspicuous, "but remember there is nothing inconspicuous about success."


Always strive to make eye contact and be ready to smile big.


Eye contact shows confidence and honesty. I have tried this myself and find it does work. Equally, forcing yourself to smile actually makes you feel like smiling more.


Both these habits will attract people to you. Again, this will be covered more when we talk about people skills.


Incidentally, I don't think the intention is for you to stare manically into the other person's eyes or to grin like a loony all the time - this will only get you arrested - but you should find a comfortable compromise that works.







David Schwartz also suggests walking 25% faster. Initially I was a bit sceptical about this one but am beginning to understand what he means. A loser limps, or shuffles slowly along but someone with some success under his or her belt strides confidently and faster.


If you doubt this, watch a sporting event and see the body language of the winners and losers.


You will find forcing yourself to walk this way will make you feel better in any case. "Throw your shoulders back, lift up your head, move ahead just a little faster and feel self-confidence grow."




Speak Up


At a meeting or a workshop, force yourself to get involved and if you have something to contribute - speak up.


This is something I have tried to improve and find it does make you feel more involved and you get more out if the meeting. You certainly gain in confidence too.


Recently, I was the subject of a disciplinary at work, run by a very disagreeable bully of a manager. I ensured I smiled, got good eye contact and spoke up when needed. The result was a frustrated manager who had wanted to sack me and have me cowering in front of him having to back down when I would not break. The techniques proved very effective.


David Schwartz: "every time the shy person fails to speak, he feels even more inadequate, more inferior. Often he makes a faint promise to himself (that deep down he knows he won't keep) to speak the 'next time.'"



"This is very important: each time we fail to speak, we take one more dose of confidence poison. We become less and less confident of ourselves."


"But on the positive side, the more you speak up, the more you add to your confidence, and the easier it is to speak up the next time. Speak up. It's a confidence-building vitamin."


I remember a senior manager in a previous job saying the only person who looks foolish if the one who does not participate.



An Important Point


This brings us on to another important point about combating fear. The more you take action in the face of fear, the more the fear fades away. Eventually you will have the fear completely under control.



The Importance Of Knowledge



This is something that is helping me in my fear of writing this blog.


The more knowledge you gain on a subject, the more confident you become in discussing or presenting that topic.


If you have a fear of speaking about something or confronting a situation, learn all you can on the subject. As James Allen says (in 'The Path of Prosperity'):


"Where there is fear, worry, anxiety, doubt, trouble, chagrin, or disappointment, there is ignorance and lack of faith."



Conclusion


Despite much examination over the last month, we have reduced but not yet fully defeated the spectre of fear.


We have found several ways to help and identify fear but I have come to the conclusion that the only true way to completely manage it is to create a motivation which is greater.


That is what we will examine next month as we look at the first stage in the success principles: your dreams.



Until then, my very best wishes to you.


Keith



www.KeithBraithwaite.com